you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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