Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
