I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
