I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
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