Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
