Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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