i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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