Nicole vs. Life
P.S. I can't hear my feet
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Semen is not good for contacts.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
