Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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