ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
