oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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