i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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