Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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