What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
