I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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