Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This is my gift to your gina
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
