you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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