On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I've blown a few things in my day
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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