Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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