We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
