There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
