dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
