U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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