Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I wish life had little blips of pornography
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize