I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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