i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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