he was CRYING into my vagina
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
you never un-have a 4some
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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