Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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