The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i believe in u and ur pee
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
