Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
