I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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