i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
