do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Randomize
