If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
