mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
