I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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