I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
