Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
