You work out of a Hotel?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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