so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
