best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I would ride that face into the sunset
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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