you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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