it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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