So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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