Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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