I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
