guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
