life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
