I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
