just survived the first fart of the relationship.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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