This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize