yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
