Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
