YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Found the puke drawer
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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