Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I have aggressive nipples.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
