she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
