I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
