The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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