ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
