You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
