Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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