Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
