i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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