Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
