just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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