Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm gonna have a badass scar
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
