You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
